We’ve shown you how to pirate movies and cover your tracks on the internet. We’re going to keep being bad. Here’s how to get into a club, bar or Chuck E. Cheese if you’re under the age limit.
I’m not so concerned with legality because I think justice trumps the law. I’m a huge youth rights advocate. I draw parallels between a sign that says “21 and over only” and “Whites only.” Age limits are an unjust social barrier that young people face every day. Say what you will about the drinking age itself. There should be no age discrimination when it comes to just plain hanging out at a bar or club. That’s what age limits come right down to: a plain-as-day rights violation.
I could go on and on arguing against the drinking age – enough with all that. Now that I’m over 21, I have no use for these tactics. Use them to weasel your way into age-restricted establishments. If nothing else, think of them as civil disobedience.
The typical piece of advice is to get a fake ID. I’ll cover that too, but I think you can go without it.
False admission ploys
One way to get in is by pretending like you’ve already been inside. Though many places don’t allow re-entry these days, faking admission can get you into “restricted” areas or “upgrade” you from minor to of-age level.
Hacking the wristband
The wristband is the most common form of age regulation, especially at clubs. Faking a wristband was my go-to scheme for my whole freshman year in college and it worked wonders.
There are a number of problems with getting actual wrist bands. Usually companies sell them by the thousand – all you really need are 10. And how do you know in advance which color you’ll need? The secret is multi-colored paper tape.
Paper tape is cheap, relatively accessible and passes perfectly for a wristband once wrapped around. One of the major benefits is that you can bring a strip of several colors (which covers every possibility at the door) by affixing it to the inside of your clothing. That way, when a bouncer pats you down, they won’t find a roll of paraphernalia in your pocket.
Of course, you’re not going to cover every color – but here’s the secret: bartenders and bouncers don’t notice (or care really). They’re just following protocol and as long as they see something wrapped around your wrist, their brain will confabulate the rest. I’ve passed a dark red band for neon pink or a light blue one for light purple. But if you are caught, this isn’t going to do the damage that a fake ID can. You’ll get kicked out and legally, they can’t do much else (unless you try to order a drink with it).
Find a tape store online and dig up some neon-colored paper tape in small rolls at 3/4” thick. Get every color you can. To cover your bases, you should have these: neon pink, neon orange, neon green, white, a cool pastel (purple, teal, light blue), and a warm pastel (pink, yellow, pale orange). Or just go crazy – it’s only a couple bucks per roll and they’ll lead to plenty of fun nights.
Hacking the ticket
Some age-restricted places (mostly events or special bar parties) will require tickets or passes to get in. Most of the time, you can get away with a duplicate. You just have to be smart about it.
Get your hands on a scanner, color printer and card stock. Just scan a borrowed ticket at high resolution and crank up the DPI for printing (600+ or “photo quality”). Printing on both sides can be tricky – just use trial and error on a piece of plain paper. First, print a black frame to keep it simple and quick. Then, replace the frame with the ticket. You can fake perforations with an X-Acto knife.
A pass works about the same – you just need a lanyard and a clear plastic holder. Get close and it’ll fly.
When you’re waiting in line, you have to do some quick risk-assessment. If they’re checking lists, you’re screwed for the most part – but keep an eye on things. If you’re early in the group and there’s a huge line, they’ll probably skip the list-check in an effort to keep people from waiting. By the same token, if you wait until people are re-entering, you can probably mix in (they can’t really re-check-off someone).
Hacking the hand stamp
Ever thought how easy it would be to get into stuff if you just had a duplicate of their hand stamp? Well this is even easier: a sharpie marker. Do your best to draw the figure and smear it appropriately. It might be better to have a buddy do the drawing instead of contorting your hands to get it done. Like with the tape, it’s easy to cover every color you might need. Stuff your pockets with markers. I’ve never done this one before, but I’ve heard/read that it’s effective.
The social route
There are strictly social ways of getting in and you probably know what I mean. These are for people who really have balls. Or, for people who literally don’t have balls (read: girls can often get in, just based on looks). But I’ll cover the unisex options.
Get food
Go early and stay late. It’s easy.
Most places don’t start carding at the door until primetime, so if they serve food (or even if they don’t), come early, buy dinner or a non-alcoholic drink and stay until things get rowdy. This will work, especially if you’re with a mostly 21 crowd.
The back door
All bars have a back door and it’s always at least worth a try – always. It’s so easy to forget about this.
Once you’re there, sometimes, you can just waltz right in. If it’s not so easy, get crafty. Coordinate with a group of friends (who are already in) to go out for a smoke, and blend in with them on the way back. Sometimes, all you have to do is get someone to open the back door for you, and a knock might be all you need. This can also be one of the best places to try the above-mentioned false admission methods.
Networking
You know someone who knows someone who knows someone who’s willing to bend the rules – you just have to figure it out. If you know a bar owner or a bouncer, you’re in. Sometimes, it just comes down to naming a name. All you need is one such connection, then you can use it when ever you please.
You might meet someone who owns a bar, but frequently, you don’t know the person well enough to ask them for something illegal – that’s okay. Instead, ignore the entire age issue and ask if they’ll give you VIP access. This worked for me when I caddied for a bar owner once. A VIP upgrade is no hair off their skin – owners dole this out all the time – and it’s a cue for the bouncer to let you in (as well as all of your friends), no questions asked.
Swindle with the bouncer
At a serious establishment, you’ll never talk your way in. It’s stupid to even try it and demoralizing when you fail. But here are some lines/ploys that have been known to work on those rare occasions:
- “It’s in my friend’s purse and she’s inside. I’ll bring it right out.”
- “I forgot it.” – Unfortunately, this will never work. It will work, maybe, if you’re realistically specific, like: “I left it on the beer pong table because we were using them to keep track of who’s turn was next.”
- Cry
- Bribe
- Wear something deliberately against the dress code, get stopped and reply, “I live right around the corner – if I change, can you let me straight in without waiting in line again?” Then, do it.
- Give the bouncer your underage ID – sometimes they’re so preoccupied with verifying its legitimacy that they overlook the birth date.
- Sheer confidence: look the bouncer in the eye, greet him, and walk right in.
A word on fake IDs
First of all, don’t forget that your best bet is probably not a literally “fake” ID. Get a real one from a friend who’s older and looks like you. Even if it’s expired, these work the best. Note that bouncers check height frequently.
If you must get an actual manufactured fake, the basics are self-explanatory. It has to look good, feel good, scan, black-light, hologram… all that stuff. If it costs you $100 or more, trust me, it’s worth it. Just save up.
The only new piece of advice I can offer is on good ID Photoshop-ing: Real IDs are imperfect. Not many fake-makers realize how blurry real IDs are. Bouncers know to look for this because these days, fakes look better than actual IDs. They especially look at the photograph. If there’s a perfect edge between your head and the background, it’s a dead tip-off that it was ’shop-ed in.
Getting around the law
Don’t forget that there are tons of legal ways to have fun (and drink) even if you’re underage. A road trip to Mexico or Canada will open up many doors. And there are plenty of 18-and-over establishments in some cities. In Cleveland, almost every bar and club was open to 18-and-over on Thursdays. Do some research. Yelp.com is a good place to start since they list most of that information, plus users often mention if the bar/club might, albeit illegally, let you in anyway.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
