We Don't Have a Plunger - Party Fowl
Saturday, July 18, 2009 by Chris Lesinski 
Oh God. I know this is gross. But everyone clogs a toilet every once in a while.
Usually, the jet-engine nature of a college toilet is enough to bring your whole body down with it. Sometimes that fortune doesn't grace you when you're at a party in someone's dorm suite. And most college students don't have a plunger. This is an incredibly embarassing situation that you need to quash quickly. Luckily, I have two hacks for impromptu toilet de-cloggers.
Before we go on, keep in mind that the maintence department at your university probably takes care of all plumbing problems, including a simple clogged toilet. Check your college's policies, because some ask you not to even try plunging it yourself. And that's why most students don't have a plunger.
However, this disclaimer does not help you during a "social fail" like clogging the party's only toilet.
First: Stop The Water
Watching the water level rise in the toilet feels a lot like walking into a pop quiz, only, if you fail the quiz, you get poop all over you. Let's end the overflow before we try to unclog.
If this is a deeper sewage problem, nothing can help you. But if it's just the bowl refilling itself, pull off the tank lid and lift up the float ball. Now, hold it there or try to cut off the water supply at the main shutoff. Take a deep breath.
Onward:
Wire Hanger
Some plumbers even recommend using this method in addition to a plunger before you give them a ring. All you need is a wire hanger which you can discreetly find in just about any dwelling. You're basically going to make your own "auger" AKA "drain snake," out of a wire hanger.
- Unbend the wire, leaving a hook at the end and shove it down the hole.
- The cross section of that toilet pipe is like an "S" rotated 90 degrees. You need to keep working that wire down the hole until it bends along that shape -- so there will be a little resistance.
- When you reach something really resistant -- that's the clog. You can try two things: 1) Pushing the hook through the clog completely, then pulling the clog back out, or 2) Picking away at the clog until you get lucky and one of your pokes dislodges it.
Plastic Bottle
Try the hanger first because this could get messy.
Again, we're using a simple household (partyhold) item: an empty plastic liter-sized bottle -- one that you absolutely never plan on using ever again.
- Stick the opening into the toilet bowl, trying not to let too much water inside. Get as tight of a seal between the "shoulders" of the bottle and the exit. Push it in there hard.
- Squeeze the bottle. Ideally, the air pressure is going to push on the clog like a plunger pushing down would -- but what will probably happen is that the air will escape around the bottle's shoulders. That's okay.
- Still keeping the seal as tight as possible, try to coerce the bottle into sucking up the water between the bottle and the clog. This action is like pulling-out of a plunger.
- Keep repeating until the problem is resolved. There's no need to push with air again like in steps 1 and 2. Just keep the bottle submerged, squeezing and refilling.
I know this whole thing is disgusting. But you'll heed my advice if it happens to you.
[image via yapsnaps]
Reader Comments (8)
One word: insane
"Usually, the jet-engine nature of a college toilet is enough to bring your whole body down with it. Sometimes that fortune doesn't grace you when you're at a party in someone's dorm suite. And most college students don't have a plunger. This is an incredibly embarassing situation that you need to quash quickly. Luckily, I have two hacks for impromptu toilet de-cloggers."
I agree that it's really a very embarassing situation. Thanks for providing tips on how to remedy this problem if a plunger is not available.
"Wire Hanger. Some plumbers even recommend using this method in addition to a plunger before you give them a ring."
This a very ingenious idea. This is not costly at the same time effective.
"Try the hanger first because this could get messy.
Again, we're using a simple household (partyhold) item: an empty plastic liter-sized bottle -- one that you absolutely never plan on using ever again."
This is another ingenious idea. But this isn't attractive, as you said, it's messy.
I am not being a snob here but I have yet to experience the need for a plunger other than when the toilet has been overloaded with tissues, not with beer cans and the like!
“Usually, the jet-engine nature of a college toilet is enough to bring your whole body down with it. Sometimes that fortune doesn't grace you when you're at a party in someone's dorm suite. And most college students don't have a plunger.”
Thanks for sharing this info! I cannot agree more. It’s really so embarrassing to be in such a situation!
I hope more college dormers read this advice. It wouldn't hurt to help a little bit. Do you think enforcing stricter rules about cleaning up after one's self will lead to less college bathroom chaos?
“Luckily, I have two hacks for impromptu toilet de-cloggers.”
Thanks for sharing these improvised plunger methods. These will definitely come in handy when an untoward situation occurs.
Wow. Last night I took the biggest $hit of my life and it totally clogged the toilet in my girlfriend's sorority house. I had read this but couldn't find a hanger, bottle, etc. but I finally found a really big flexible straw, like in those 'venti drinks from Starbucks, so I stuck it down in there and sucked out the $h!t. Worked really well, but now I have turd breath.