How to Avoid Partying, Get Good Grades
Friday, November 27, 2009 by Mike Bertolino Partying is no good. Let me repeat that: NO GOOD. All that matters in college is getting good grades your parents can be proud of showing that Sigma Cum-Laude diploma off to their friends. The good grades will also ensure your future at grad schools and give you the grit you need to make it in the real world. Well, at least that's what my dad told me. Now here are some tips to stay away from the alchies on your campus.
Read. ALL THE TIME
I don't know if you've heard, but reading is FUNdamental. The most important thing is to read every world in all of your textbooks while simultaneously outlining them. After you have finished this you'll have surely missed the missed out on your friends patronage of some frat house. Who needs that?
Now the real fun begins. Start reading some novels. I suggest you stay up-to-date with what's hot right now. Read each of the Twilight books five times, at least. War and Peace should take up a good chunk of time between when you friends leave to party and when classes start again on Monday.
Keep Communicating with Your Profs.
It's always good to get to know your professors. Lets take that a step further. See what they're up to on Friday nights or do they watch NFL pregame shows or Meet the Press on Sundays. Having done this before, it could go one of two ways. You could either land on a research team, or land a restraining order. Hey, you're getting something either way.
Mocktails are the Best-tails
Because Sober-Steves like us are so few and far between we might have to blend in. The mocktail will help us to do just that. When your friends are pregaming, head into the other room and mixup a few mocktails. You'll not only look cultured for the ladies, you won't be disobeying the law or your parents either. This plan tended to fail me when I went into the other room and actually had the drinks with a young lady.
Anyway I hope this guide to alcohol free living will help you ace college and make your parents proud. I know mine are. They don't know about the restraining order yet though. I was going to break it to them after I graduated top in my class with a 4.0 GPA and what the bigger success is, never having an once of alcohol slip into mouth in all four years at this institution.
How do you stay away from the devil known as alcohol? Comment below to share!
Reader Comments (12)
When I get the urge to drink I just got beat up someone like you then I can get back to studying.
Way too extreme - college is an experience, not just a set of grades. While over-partying is bad, socializing is more than healthy under the stressful conditions.
I'm not sure that avoiding the partying is the answer. Partying is one of the social requisites that comes with the whole college experience. You need to learn how to handle the social pressures that you will inevitably experience. One of these pressures is partying.
Partying has two sides - one that is positive, one that is horribly unproductive. On the positive side, it helps solidify your social groups. Socialization and friend groups are IMPERATIVE to your proper development. The people that party together, stay together. Good friends are hard to come by and staying in your room reading is not going to get you there.
Your other point is well taken and addresses the bad side of partying - DRINKING. Getting drunk can be fun and all the kids are doing etc etc but when you're trying to keep your goals in mind, it's going to set you further back than you would ever want. Hangovers will kill your productivity the next day, drunken mistakes can get you in trouble and ruin your ability to complete school - getting arrested, paying off damage etc. SO - take your mocktail method and bring it to the party to be with your friends. Then laugh at their silly antics and get a good night's rest.
For commentors who are so socially experienced, you have terrible senses of humor.
heh, *woosh*
That sound? The sound of this post going over your heads.
The suggestion to read twilight, should have been an irony indicator for people.
At least, I hope it's irony.
Thanks for sharing....
People never cease to amaze me...Kyle, Alex and James are obviously the coooooooolest guys in school. Can we all party with you?
War and Peace? FUCKIN PARTY!
@Sal
Man, we need to build a "thumbs up" system into the comments. If I could thumbs up that, I would.
Wow, just wow. What a GREAT article not only ironically promoting underage drinking, but also laziness! That's a great message to be sending to my fellow college students and I. Sadly, as a proud Straight Edge individual, I will not join my peers in drinking their lives away, but at least you think it's funny.
Go to hell OP.
[Just a few corrections to make this great site even better :) ]
Find: read every world in all
Replace: read every word in all
Find: surely missed the missed out on your friends patronage
Replace: surely missed out on your friends' patronage
Find: between when you friends
Replace: between when your friends
Find: Lets take that a step further.
Replace: Let's take that a step further.
Find: room and mixup a few
Replace: room and mix up a few
Find: having an once of alcohol
Replace: having an ounce of alcohol
This reads like a bizarre passive-aggressive letter to your dad defending the fact that you like to drink once in a while. The tone isn't clear, but I guess sarcastic satire isn't really my bag to begin with :-/